Applied Wisdom for Verbal Abuse

Creating a safety net is important for handling personal abuse.

Responding to verbal abuse requires a strength of character. This strength is intensified when a person is acting with the blessing and power of a group. That is why it is so important that you surround yourself with a group of individuals with whom you are safe. The collective group becomes your safety net of protection.

In this post, you are encouraged to combine all you learned from the previous two posts and summarize them into one word:

GUARD!

  1. Guard your tongue.
  2. Guard your integrity.
  3. Guard your judgement.

Your tongue represents your body and all the practical knowledge you have obtained regarding abuse, abusers and confronting them when they strike.

Your integrity represents your soul and all the practical understanding you have gained to refrain from reacting to an abuser hiding behind a mask.

Your judgment represents your spirit and the practical wisdom you have discovered to empower you with positivity and goodness as weapons against abuse.

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The ancient story of Job’s temptations sheds additional light on the essence of cursing. As he was tempted to curse God, he taught us how integrity overpowers abusive circumstances.

1. Cursing is a reaction to unforeseen, unwanted circumstances (1:11).

  • In its context (1:5), cursing is an outward expression of inward feelings!
  • Cursing begins in the heart and manifests itself outwardly through lack of self-control.
  • Create a code word with your support group to signal an expression of support.

2. Cursing is an expected reaction when you are physically abused (2:5).

  • In its context (2:9), cursing compromises your integrity. When you react abusively to abuse, you lose touch with the essence of your own character.
  • Identify the three best virtues of your support group. This will help you protect your own integrity as you identify with those same virtues.
  • Create a group motto or relevant mantra to use as an affirmation.

3. Cursing of a circumstance is acceptable so long as it is not cursing a person (compare 3:1, 8 with 31:30).

  • A curse is meant to be the promised evil for inappropriate behavior (5:1-3; 24:2, 14-18).
  • Identify three good aspects of the abuser. This does two things. Firstly, it helps you understand yourself to protect your integrity. Secondly, it reminds you to respond to the spirit and not react to the pained soul.
  • Summarize the good into an affirmation. Use the affirmation as motivation to respond calmly but firmly with a positive spirit.

Meditation for Healing from Abuse

We come together and feel the protection we have as a Team. We are thankful that during moments of rage and abuse, we have a Team to intervene. We are thankful for the safety net provided by our community. We see the mask of verbal abuse hiding the abuser’s pain. We are empowered with self-control. We are protected physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We declare victory within each ourselves and enjoy freedom from the abuser.

Related Posts:

Related Series:

The Power of Contentment

The following is an excerpt from the upcoming sequel to 56 Notions of Success. The new book will be titled, Ethical Success.

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Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. ― H.L. Mencken

YOU are responsible for determining and exercising what is good, not Society. Society is not a person; you are. Society is a collective of individuals and entities. You cannot hold Society responsible for your behavior. You do what you choose.

And only you are responsible for your own contentment.

Contentment empowers your decisions to find that Golden Mean. It is more powerful than happiness. Happiness can be fleeting; contentment is a steady, constant state of being.

On more than one occasion I have counseled persons on this point. I remember when Doreen came to me distraught. As she told her story she reached a point of anger and proclaimed, “It’s his fault that I’m not content with living and I never will be until he changes.”

Explaining to Doreen that he is not responsible for her contentment was a delicate exercise. That work, however, began with a blunt statement of fact: “Doreen, you and you only are responsible for your contentment. Do not give that power to anyone else.”

Contentment is such a powerful virtue!

Western society wages war on contentment. It bombards its inhabitants with commercialized desires of discontent. We are constantly reminded of what we don’t have and why we supposedly cannot live without these objects.

Contentment, however, does not mean trying to improve your Self. The danger lies in connecting self-improvement with tangible items as proof of growth. That is similar to rewarding yourself food when you are dieting to lose weight. It is self-sabotaging.

Contentment begins when you keep life simple. The number of lands, vehicles, or electronic gadgets cannot determine your contentment. Knowing how to enjoy what you do have is determinate. So often we ignore the beautiful sunsets, birds flying through the air, children laughing, and rivers flowing. Learn to enjoy the simple things and you will discover the power of contentment.

Doreen grew from her experience. She was in a season of life where she required public transportation. The problem was the closest stop to her work was two miles away. Rather than focus on what she didn’t have: a car, a supportive husband, etc, she began to enjoy that two mile walk. She reported that she began to notice things she never saw before: lizards stalking dragonflies, raccoons coming out of the lagoon, rabbits jumping freely, kingfishers on the power lines and herons in the water. She said she felt more rich enjoying the moment than any tangible asset she has ever owned.

And that brings us to another aspect of Contentment: keeping finances streamlined. Unethical expenditures are those spent out of greed or excess. We get so caught up with the unethical commercialized life-style that our money situations become complicated. How many credit cards do you really require? It is no wonder Aristotle taught, “Happiness is self-contentedness.”

Keep your relationships satisfying. That includes work-related ones too. Lasting happiness and security are discovered when ethical behavior yields a good reputation and honor. True friendship and happy family life are also part of the reward for ethical relationships.

Contentment is found in peaceful and secured environments, not in those where others are manipulated for personal gain. Routine might seem like you are “in a rut,” but it is also signals an ordered environment. Don’t look outside of yourself for fulfillment; look within.

Challenge: Ethics begins by staying true to your Self. Do I act with integrity and enjoy contentment as its reward?