Affliction

Living with pain, distress or grief can be miserable.

That is if you choose it to be. One of the most liberating lessons in my life was learning I could choose happiness.

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You cannot always control the arrival of calamities; you can control their effect. Disease, disorder and hardship is an understandable cause of pain. Pain, whether it is physical, mental or emotional, is very real.

Equally powerful are persecution from family, friends and colleagues. The anguish is undeniable. Adversity is an anguish to your soul. It can lead to depression.

And you still have a choice to be content.

Misfortune is a part of being human. So too is happiness and contentment. The key is to identify that there is hope!

Hope Cover 2018

There has been a good response to the launch of my latest book, Finding Hope. I said you would be informed when the e-book was available.

It is a privilege to announce Finding Hope is now available as an e-book as well as a paperback.

If you buy the paperback from amazon.com, you can receive the e-book for free!

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Thank you everyone who have been supportive of my writings. It is very humbling.

Peaceful blessings,

Timothy

Life’s Fourth Stage

Here is what I have learned from working with precious persons in Life’s final stage.

Working with those at Life’s end reaffirms my Hope.

Those who have read 56 Notions of Success are familiar with my near-death experience. I shared the story in my most recent publication, Finding Hope: How I rebuilt my life after it fell apart.

Laying on a hospital bed, feeling life depart, only 20 years old: I chose to live. I had to fight for Life. I had to pray for Life. I had to work for Life. But it was a choice.

Fourth Stage – what is that anyway?

Perhaps you have not heard of the end of life as a fourth stage? You probably are familiar with other ‘fourth stage’ situations.

  • Giving birth to a baby is said to be in stage 4 during the first 2-3 hours after birth.
  • Teenagers are the fourth stage in a child’s cognitive development. That is when the teenager begins to think about moral, philosophical, ethical, social, and political issues.
  • Cancer is said to be in stage 4 when it has spread far away from where it started (metastasis).
  • Cruelty is the fourth stage in the life of fictional character Tom Nero. The classic image below by William Hogarth shows a public dissection of the infamous character’s dead body.

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In each of the above examples, the fourth stage is referred to as the last stage. There is no fifth stage.

Stage 4 is final.

Hogarth’s image depicts the fear many have when contemplating the fourth stage in life.

Hope awaits you even in Stage 4!

Here is what I have learned from working with precious persons in Stage 4: it is an opportunity!

  • To finally shed all the guilt, burdens and care you have carried through the years.
  • To prepare for the transitional chapter in your book of life.
  • To enjoy the enlightenment you have been dancing around for so long.

I know when I was faced with death when just inside the second stage of my life, I was totally prepared. I felt peace, calm and tranquility.

Passing that threshold gave me confidence in my Faith and chosen Lord. Returning to service gave me purpose and fulfilment.

There is Hope even at death’s door.

Peace During Trouble

My talk this Sunday will reflect on how to find peace during trouble.

This past week, I blogged 2 posts that were personal:

I want to thank everyone who has been supportive. I also want to encourage those who started following my blog because of those posts.

I can sense your hurt and search for healing. I get it. Thankfully, you can tell I’ve been there. I don’t have all the answers. I only have my story. The fact it resonates with you means a lot to me.

One of the most important techniques I used to heal was to identify when I was a peace.

When you are in trouble, it is not natural to think you already have peace. You cry for it; you long for it; you talk about it: but you do not consider it is already in your possession!

Your grief comes across you in waves. It is like you are standing in the water at the edge of the surf. Wave after wave crashes over you. Grief is not friendly. It knocks you over.

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In between those powerful waves, there is calm.

Where are you at? Literally. Are you with a particular friend? Are you with a certain group of people? Are you watching a movie? What is it that you are doing when you feel a bit of calm in your life?

Identify the times you feel more at ease with yourself.

And then stay there.

Easier said than done, I know. The idea is to learn to love yourself and take care of yourself. You also learn who to stay away from — some people are just plain toxic!

Peace CAN be found during trouble.

I would love to hear about your ideas and experiences.

Peaceful blessings on your weekend.

Timothy

P.S. I am speaking this Sunday at Albany Presbyterian Church. If you are in the area, please drop by.

P.P.S. Thank you everyone who purchased my most recent book, Finding Hope: How I rebuilt my life after it fell apart.

Abused

To be misused and maltreated only begins to describe the victim.

Violated of rights and privileges, the abused are deceived. The rude treatment from ill-tempered, seductive persons is difficult to articulate. Especially when the abuse is afflicted by someone living in your own home.

According to a New Zealand government fact-finding committee, about half of all homicides in New Zealand are committed by an offender who is identified as family.

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  • Being beaten and having your clothes ripped off your body is a harrowing experience.
  • Being cussed at is the easy part: it’s the reproachful language that causes you to question your own integrity that is confusing.

76% of family violence incidents are NOT reported to Police.

The police did come once – and then they left. That did two things in my situation:

  • The abuse intensified; and
  • I began to find strength to face reality.

Reviling words; corrupt practices: Hope begins to set below the horizon of your life. Like the Sun going down, you fear what will happen in the night. You cling onto the sliver of Moon’s light of Hope. And then you begin to wonder if the Sun will ever return.

Hope is there! The Sun can rise again to shine its warmth down into your life. That is why I am sharing the techniques I used to rebuild my life after experiencing such Despair.

Hope Cover 2018

 

(Click here or on the Image to learn how to get your copy)

Although most attention goes onto partner abuse as male against female – with the statistics to justify the attention – in the four years from 2009 – 2012, Family Violence website reports:

24% of the intimate partner abuse were perpetrated by women.

Sadly, things are not getting better in New Zealand. Police investigated 118,910 incidents of family violence in 2016 or about one every 5 minutes.

“It’s OK to ask for help.”

Family Violence

The road to recovery will be long. But you will come out of the darkness. I have! Simple steps must be taken. No one will understand just hard it will be unless they have walked in those shoes.

You are worthy to love yourself.

If you don’t know what else to do, call 0800 456 450.

Peaceful blessings await you.

Timothy

Related blog: Finding Hope

See also: Its Okay to Love Yourself

Finding Hope

Hope is such an emotive word.

Hope expresses a desire for some good to take place in your life. There is a slight expectation of obtaining that desire. That feeling of possibility stirs us to action.

Hope is a mature attitude. It is not a childish dream for the unattainable. True Hope is rooted in something of substance, even if it is not apparent at the moment. That attitude drives us to action.

But what happens when it seems all Hope is lost?

 

Despair takes over.

Lost relationships. Lost body image. Lost social standing. You become destitute. You wander internally. You begin to lose your way in life. The perplexity alters your thinking.

You despair even in life.

Those of you that have been there know exactly what I mean. You can tell I have been there.

In 2012, I was at the end of my Hope. Something tragic was inevitable. By the grace of God, I survived the despair. I found Hope!

Hope Cover 2018

It has taken 6 years for me to find enough courage to publish my story. Honestly, it does not go into gory details; but it does detail enough so that you know I was in despair.

My life did fall apart.

Thankfully, it was rebuilt.

My desire is to encourage those who, like me, are searching for Hope. Of course you should seek professional care! Yet doctors can only prescribe medications, therapists can only guide you through your healing process. Only YOU can help yourself.

Professional care is a must and yet that takes up only 3-5 hours of your week. What do you do with the leftover 162 hours?

That is where I pray my story will help you.

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It is now available in paperback. I’ll let you know when the electronic copy is available.

  • It is not a long read because when you are in despair, it is hard to concentrate for long periods of time.
  • It is written in simple language because the brain can only process so much during despair.
  • It is not expensive because this is about me helping others, not making a living from their grief.

Read more about it on its page, and if you are interested, please check it out further at amazon.com.

I truly hope it is a help.

Peaceful blessings,

Tim