Abused

To be misused and maltreated only begins to describe the victim.

Violated of rights and privileges, the abused are deceived. The rude treatment from ill-tempered, seductive persons is difficult to articulate. Especially when the abuse is afflicted by someone living in your own home.

According to a New Zealand government fact-finding committee, about half of all homicides in New Zealand are committed by an offender who is identified as family.

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  • Being beaten and having your clothes ripped off your body is a harrowing experience.
  • Being cussed at is the easy part: it’s the reproachful language that causes you to question your own integrity that is confusing.

76% of family violence incidents are NOT reported to Police.

The police did come once – and then they left. That did two things in my situation:

  • The abuse intensified; and
  • I began to find strength to face reality.

Reviling words; corrupt practices: Hope begins to set below the horizon of your life. Like the Sun going down, you fear what will happen in the night. You cling onto the sliver of Moon’s light of Hope. And then you begin to wonder if the Sun will ever return.

Hope is there! The Sun can rise again to shine its warmth down into your life. That is why I am sharing the techniques I used to rebuild my life after experiencing such Despair.

Hope Cover 2018

 

(Click here or on the Image to learn how to get your copy)

Although most attention goes onto partner abuse as male against female – with the statistics to justify the attention – in the four years from 2009 – 2012, Family Violence website reports:

24% of the intimate partner abuse were perpetrated by women.

Sadly, things are not getting better in New Zealand. Police investigated 118,910 incidents of family violence in 2016 or about one every 5 minutes.

“It’s OK to ask for help.”

Family Violence

The road to recovery will be long. But you will come out of the darkness. I have! Simple steps must be taken. No one will understand just hard it will be unless they have walked in those shoes.

You are worthy to love yourself.

If you don’t know what else to do, call 0800 456 450.

Peaceful blessings await you.

Timothy

Related blog: Finding Hope

See also: Its Okay to Love Yourself

Finding Hope

Hope is such an emotive word.

Hope expresses a desire for some good to take place in your life. There is a slight expectation of obtaining that desire. That feeling of possibility stirs us to action.

Hope is a mature attitude. It is not a childish dream for the unattainable. True Hope is rooted in something of substance, even if it is not apparent at the moment. That attitude drives us to action.

But what happens when it seems all Hope is lost?

 

Despair takes over.

Lost relationships. Lost body image. Lost social standing. You become destitute. You wander internally. You begin to lose your way in life. The perplexity alters your thinking.

You despair even in life.

Those of you that have been there know exactly what I mean. You can tell I have been there.

In 2012, I was at the end of my Hope. Something tragic was inevitable. By the grace of God, I survived the despair. I found Hope!

Hope Cover 2018

It has taken 6 years for me to find enough courage to publish my story. Honestly, it does not go into gory details; but it does detail enough so that you know I was in despair.

My life did fall apart.

Thankfully, it was rebuilt.

My desire is to encourage those who, like me, are searching for Hope. Of course you should seek professional care! Yet doctors can only prescribe medications, therapists can only guide you through your healing process. Only YOU can help yourself.

Professional care is a must and yet that takes up only 3-5 hours of your week. What do you do with the leftover 162 hours?

That is where I pray my story will help you.

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It is now available in paperback. I’ll let you know when the electronic copy is available.

  • It is not a long read because when you are in despair, it is hard to concentrate for long periods of time.
  • It is written in simple language because the brain can only process so much during despair.
  • It is not expensive because this is about me helping others, not making a living from their grief.

Read more about it on its page, and if you are interested, please check it out further at amazon.com.

I truly hope it is a help.

Peaceful blessings,

Tim

 

Beginnings

New beginnings are so empowering!

That very word, beginning, carries with it the joy of a new birth, the hope of a better future and the peace that the past is irrelevant.

Such a powerful word!

Recently, I outlined Why I Was Quiet in 2017. It wasn’t that I wasn’t active: I just didn’t find the strength to blog. And your response was so encouraging!

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2017 was also special year for all of western civilisation – whether they knew it or not. It was the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther nailing his 95 Theses on the local notice board… which just happened to be church doors. The internet of his day was called the Gutenberg Press. Newly invented, it seized the opportunity to spread its technological connection with society.

The rest is history!

Here we are 500 years on, and many still appreciate the wildfire that burned through our western values.

  • Women were elevated.
  • Libraries were created.
  • Public education had its seedlings.

I was privileged to sit on a committee to help with local celebrations. There were plays, public talks, media displays, concerts – it was full on!

And I was privileged to act as Luther in a couple dramas.

Me as Luther

The committee that created the celebrations were with a local Presbyterian church. Presbyterian churches were an indirect creation of Luther. I was asked to deliver one of the public talks. They wanted to know more about the Beginning of their denomination.

The presentation is now available by book – paperback and Kindle! (Click on image below).

Thanks for your encouragement. I’m enjoying the new beginning 2018 has delivered.

Presbyterian Cover

Confusion

Have you met someone that, after you walk away, you are left totally confused?

How about a circumstance in your life that bewilders beyond comprehension every time you think back and try to figure out what happened?

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I know I have.

These past two years, in particular, my internal antennae seemed to be working overtime. They are very attuned to picking up these signals.

What is that?

Don’t get me wrong, I can read a dictionary; I do understand the meaning of the word:

  • disorder
  • upheaval
  • tumult
  • chaos

What is perplexing being how much those words describe people I meet! They are the noun itself: the act of confusing.

Confusion is an action. It is not a nice one either. You walk away from a conversation or business dealing with a lack of clearness or distinctness.

I have come to realise it is a technique used by some to manipulate and control. It is evil genius in action.

For some, it is intentional.

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My Sunday School training kicks in at this point:

God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. (1 Cor 14:33)

This blog isn’t a sermon. It’s just that, that verse helps me understand two things about confusing people:

  1. Their actions are ungodly; and
  2. Confusion is the opposite of Peace.

I love my Peace!

I stopped trying to figure out the “Why?” or “What happened?” with some people. It is just who they are. Psychologically, confusion is a disturbed mental state; a disorientation. Some people intentionally keep you off-balance.

My solution has been simple: embrace the idea that some things are okay to be left unresolved.

Tolle Quote

Whenever feasible, I politely withdraw my dealings with any individual or organisation that disturbs my peace.

Peace is so valuable! It is worth far more than any monetary or social connection gained from meddling with someone given to change.

Child Slavery

Slavery was an impetus for Christ’s Advent. The issue still exists today in a more evil form: Child Labour.

Sorry about the sobering topic during a glorious New Zealand Summer – but I have to share this burden.

Over the Christmas season, I helped to organize 6 related services and 2 memorials. It was a tough time. In one of the services, I presented the talk on the Advent Wreath.

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Part of organizing was being prepared to lead other services, if necessary. As part of that preparation, I wrote a talk for the Sunday following Christmas.

It was not needed but the research for that topic still burdens me.

Traditionally, the dedication of baby Jesus at the Temple is commemorated. Many years after the account given by Luke, his ministerial colleague, Paul, connected the Advent with Slavery.

I know — its a bit shocking.

What was even more disturbing was learning that Slavery is still an issue – even right here in Godzone New Zealand!

Salvation Army isn’t running from the issue. Their challenging article asks the question, “Are There Slaves In New Zealand?”

The answer, sadly, is yes.

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Along the way, I came across some disturbing images from LifeHack.org. I selected 10 of them to include in the PowerPoint.

Although I didn’t present the talk that Sunday, I feel compelled to post a video of the PowerPoint. I’m reading the notes for the message.

It is called, Divine Adoption. It is saved under my Videos page. You can go directly to the talk here.

At least there is good news – the Advent teaches Soul Liberty is now possible. But we all must still work toward protecting our children.

Thank you for allowing me to share this burden. Together, I’m confident we can create effective measures to put this societal cancer into remission.

Why I Was Quiet in 2017

Why my blogging was put on hold during 2017.

To my dear follow bloggers, thank you for sticking with me. Even though I haven’t blogged anything in nearly a year, you have been loyal.

It helps to have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, et. al.

But that is no excuse!

2017 has been an amazing year:

  • I returned to New Zealand to live….

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  • Went bust with a new business idea…

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  • Returned to church-related work…

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  • Organized a new focus group…

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  • Served on several committees…

Committee Meeting

  • Wrote a couple booklets…

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  • AND GOT MARRIED!

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Like I said – it has been an amazing year.

There are several projects in the making you’ll hear about as 2018 unfolds.

Thanks again for sticking with me. Your love and support has been a source of strength. You will notice I cleaned up the site a bit; however, some posts were lost along the way. I’ll restore them bit-by-bit. Thank you for your patience.

I pray you will have peaceful blessings in this new year.

Timothy

The Value of Routine

Success is obtained by a predesigned routine adhered to faithfully. Routine can also sustain success. It keeps you focused on what truly matters when you are tempted to break the rules.

There will be times after you reach success that chaotic circumstances arrive to confuse you. When mentoring one such person we will name Isaac, I stressed the importance of keeping his appointments for coaching. I have learned that when going through difficult patches in life, keeping appointments forces you to continue even when you feel like quitting.

Isaac expressed a feeling of guilt in keeping his appointments. He explained that he felt like he was just surviving from one to the next. He stated he was not being fair to me as his counselor. The reality, of course, was just the opposite. His guilt was false; his routine was enabling survival; and raw truth is the substance in which success can be rediscovered.

From those appointments where days passed in between, Isaac was encouraged to start implementing a bit of reading, meditating, and exercising. At first he could only handle 5 minutes of each. The time spent was not so important as the creation of the habit.

Determine you will grow and keep every new appointment. Reward yourself with something relaxing. Do not feel guilty. You are developing a routine. You are working with a purpose and resting with intent.

Volunteer for some cause. The regular contribution will fill your calendar. You are living! Visualize a life with Hope. It is within your grasp.

I cannot stress how important it is that you create a routine as soon as possible. This is where Religion can be helpful. Regular attendance to their scheduled services sustains a routine. Opportunities to serve others through their ministries enhance your routine.

Do what you must to develop weekly activities and hold yourself accountable to keep these commitments. You will find Hope opening its door as you develop a routine through Life.

And this is the fascinating intersection of Ethics with Religion.

Being reared with a heavy influence of the religious community, I was always under the impression that ethics is an extension of religion. Imagine how surprised I was once I learned to read classical literature. Discovering that ethics preceded western Christianity was revolutionary. However, to pretend the great sages of old did not have spiritual ideologies is equivalent to burying one’s head in the sand.

Religion is “the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods” (Oxford Dictionary Press). In practice, stripped to its core, Religion is merely routine. It is a set of practices (worship) that exercise their core values (belief). In this sense, Ethics and Religion are one and the same.

Ethics is a faithful adherence to what is perceived as good and right. This begins with integrity. Integrity is being true to one’s self. This practice of self-truthfulness in action expands to a practice of truthfulness in relationships with others. Ethics is the working out of personalized truths and in this sense shares a practice on par with Religion.

Religion did not give birth to Ethics. It is the other way around. The point is that so-called “non-religious” persons are often ethical because of their religious-like practices. They may not belong to a particular worship of God or gods; yet their life is full of routine that elevates values beyond themselves.

And it is the emphasis of this routine that keeps our actions consistent with ethical values.