Verbal Abuse

How do you cope with that person who constantly berates you with foul language?

This is the first of a series. The series is based on three 20 minute sessions. The purpose and nature of the sessions are confidential. However, the principles for coping are universal truths.

Before we even begin, please recognize three things:

  1. YOUR well-being is important;
  2. YOUR feelings have value; and
  3. YOUR action plan will empower liberation from victimhood.

Dealing with verbal abuse is not easy. Let’s back up and get an overview of the situation. We can do this by¬†distinguishing the difference between knowledge, understanding and wisdom.

  • What is an intellectual explanation for the person’s abusive behavior?
  • How does that explanation apply to YOUR situation?
  • What do you believe is an appropriate response to this behavior?

The first question gives you knowledge. The second opens up your understanding. The third is where wisdom is discovered. The first is a tool. The second is how you use it. The third is why you use the tool.


The remainder of this post will focus on the knowledge aspect of verbal abuse.

There is an old story in the bible about a king who wanted to curse Israel. His name was Balak. Balak hired a prophet from the East named Balaam. In the story, we learn why people curse.

1. Verbal abuse is a tactic employed by the weaker party.

  • Do you see yourself as the weaker or stronger party in this situation?
  • In what ways?
  • Recognize you are in a position of strength.

2. Cursing is an attempt to overcome the stronger party.

  • How can you utilize your strength to respond instead of reacting?
  • What is the difference? Think of examples of how you can respond instead of react in your situation.

3. Cursing is designed to drive away the stronger party.

  • We are taught to respond with a blessing. What does that look like?
  • Find something good in that person and then minister to that goodness for the sake of that goodness. What is good about this person?
  • Love the person, not the actions.

Thanksgiving with Forgiveness

The following prayer was revised from Hannah Hurnard, “Simply Faith”.

Thank you for teaching me to welcome everyone and to think lovingly about them. Thank you for helping me to forgive those who hurt me, or seem to neglect me. Thank you for forgiving them not just for the things they say and do, but also for being the sort of people they are. Amen.

Author: A Sojourner's Diary

Dr Timothy Rose is a long-term student of ancient writings seeking practical wisdom for the life journey under the sun.

4 thoughts on “Verbal Abuse”

  1. I completely disagree with some points that were made in this blog. Verbal abuse from an abusive, destructive, confused boyfriend; which your stating is a tactic to employ on the weaker party. So, when the boyfriend personally attacks the girlfriend claiming she is cheating, speaking to other men, not giving his live-in girlfriend a key because he states “There is nothing you have to do. You want a key, why? Yes, you live here with your child and you two go no where, but, your cheating so no. You want to take your child places when I am at work, but, you don’t offer to go places when I am off work. So, no key.” Define, please.

    Cursing is an attempt to overpower the stronger party???? Really? For a male to call himself a MAN, he must show and contain his responsibilities to himself, family, and his life. Why is it that boyfriends use profanity towards his girlfriend and claims love for her in the same sentence? Confused? I sure am. As he is verbally abusing me and using profanity, I am supposed to what? Find the good piece that isn’t yelling at me, and focus on that? Lol, no.

    Cursing is designed to drive the stronger person away? OMG, really?


    1. Dear Butterfly Reader 82, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Your situation is horrible. The pain is real.

      Your description of the situation validates my points. It is a weak person to use abuse in the manner you describe. A strong person is someone at peace with themselves and operates from a position of integrity. The description you have provided indicates your boyfriend needs internal work.

      You appear to have come to grips with what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior in a relationship. From your position, you have the opportunity to control your own destiny. Please do not surrender this control to an abusive person.

      Please reach out to a local professional to guide you through the healing process. A qualified counselor, spiritual caregiver or psychologist will help you tremendously.

      Peaceful blessings on your future.


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